Fly Catching, Vinegar vs. Sugar 

By David Malcolm Rose 
As I sit here trying to write my monthly column, I’m being distracted by a fly buzzing around my monitor. Under normal circumstances, I’d put off writing for a few days or weeks and wait to see if this fly doesn’t die of natural causes. But I can’t do that. I’m on deadline and have no idea what the average life expectancy of a house fly, Musca domestica, is.  

So, I’m sitting here as patient as the Sphinx with my swatter in hand, waiting for that little hooligan to land. In the words of Benjamin Disraeli, “Everything comes to he who waits.” Or was that, “He who hesitates is lost.” Or “Look before you leap.” Or “Strike while the iron is hot.” I find those old adages can be quite confusing and really not relatable. Spilled milk has never caused me the least sorrow; I’m lactose intolerant anyway.  

I’ve never been up so early that I felt the need to catch a worm. Never seen a day so sunny that it made me feel like making hay. I’m not even sure how to make hay; doesn’t that stuff just grow? 

If I knew one way to skin a cat, it would be one more than I would ever need. Never been in a situation where I was required to count chickens hatched or unhatched, or look any kind of horse in the mouth.I seriously doubt that every door that closes results in another one being opened. It’s been my experience that just about every closing door hits me in the butt.  

While I was contemplating all this, the little bugger landed right on the fly swatter. His pluck was to be admired. I’ve decided to embrace the fly. Live and let live and all of that. My shrink’s been telling me I should get a pet anyway. 

David Rose is an author and artist. His artwork can be found at Collective Arts Gallery, upstairs at 620 Central, in downtown Hot Springs. 

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