David Rose
By David Malcolm Rose
How come every time they discover something new, like cholesterol or gluten, it’s something that’s bad for you? Why can’t they discover something that a person can eat their body weight of and not have any adverse effects, and I’m not talking about kale chips.
Speaking of chips, what’s the story with Doritos? Why do they make them the color of a traffic cone? You eat a handful, and the color comes off all over your fingers. At that point, you have no choice but to wipe them on your pants. Unless you just got out of the deer woods and are still wearing hunter orange, you have a problem. Why doesn’t Frito Lay make their chips in other colors like denim or perhaps khaki?
Back in my day, we were all omnivores. Today there are dozens of subgroups. Vegetarian, ketogenic, Atkins, and South Beach diets all have their fans. Vegans are on the rise while eating paleo is in decline. I never saw the charm of that paleo one. Paleolithic humanoids only lived 25 or 30 years at most.
Nowadays, everything you eat is wrong. Here’s an experiment you can try with a friend. Go into a grocery store, have your friend blindfold you and aim you down a random aisle. At some point, your friend says halt. Upon stopping, reach out your hand – left or right, it doesn’t matter – and take an item off the shelf. Punch that item into your smartphone along with “harmful effects” – I guarantee articles will start popping up explaining how bad that stuff is for you.
I once saw an article telling us that we were drinking water all wrong. Seriously? Humanoids have been drinking water since they lived in caves. One would think we would have mastered the art by now.
David Rose, of Hot Springs, is an author and artist.
{More of David’s musings can be found at thespringsmagazine.com/category/arts/david-rose.}
