Mug shot of random raccoon. NOTE: If you catch a raccoon in a live trap you have to relocate them over 5 miles away. Read on for details.
By Michelle Sestili
Compost bin vandalism
Repeated egg theft
Chicken harassment
Theft by ingestion of 14 perfectly ripe cantaloupes
Destruction of both pumpkin patches for fun
Attempted assault of a dog
Property damage to 6 birdfeeders and annihilation of another
Robbery of 2 five gallon buckets of birdseed
11 counts of destruction of property involving the exceptional heirloom vegetable plants I was growing on the patio away from harm
Breaking and entering a refrigerator to eat a jar of duck fat
Chicken murder
Raccoons! I have nothing nice to say about them.
Author’s note: If you catch a raccoon in a live trap you have to relocate them over 5 miles away. That’s 5 linear miles, not 5 curvy mountain driving miles, which is really only half a mile from point A to B. They will walk right back really mad and full of revenge. Make a note of that. It’s important information.
Amateur storyteller Michelle Sestili and her husband Max decided to become homesteaders one day. They sold their stuff and moved to Hot Springs, Arkansas on January 20, 2006. A Friday. They currently live with 18 free-range chickens, Lemon the lab, and Pumpkin the porch cat on 16 acres of Wildcat Road with a garden, wily wildlife, and woodland glampsites.
EDITOR’S NOTE: We welcome guest writer, Michelle Sestili who will drop occasional tidbits from the sanctuary she and her husband, Max, (and various other nameless creatures) share on Wildcat Road. We hope you’ll be as entertained as we are with her tall tales, all of which appear to be too true. Enjoy
